We had another visitor for dinner tonight. Knight Errant almost stopped him but Matt somehow made it to the guard post.
The guards almost turned him away before he identified himself and Case confirmed it was him. I was… I guess shocked is the best word for it.
I'm also pretty sure this means that Alan was somehow communicating with him. Any suspicion of that was laid to rest when Case warned him that we had to make sure he was … well… himself.
His entire response was "Yeah, I heard."
It made dinner a mixed blessing thing. I had my brothers there… but there was a lot of work to be done and Matt had a lot of layers to get through before I'm going to be allowed to see him.
It's like a kid at Christmas time who's seen their presents but have been told… you have to wait until everyone's there.
He's so close…
One of the first things that happens when you see an old friend, after the excitement of seeing them has died down, is the fact that you start seeing all the changes in them. Alan has gotten pricklier than ever. He's even more focused than I remembered, and I didn't think anyone could be more intense.
Matt, always the mellow one who kept us on an even keel is lost. He had always been the one to look out for us, even before the divorce but more so afterwards. He was the rock… only these days the rock seems to have turned to fine china. Fragile… brittle… those are the words I'd have to choose to describe Matt.
On the intellectual level I can understand it. He's not only lost his little brother, he's lost his wife and their child. He's all but turned this situation over to me and 'my people.' Alan is too close and let's face it too high strung to get through this on his own.
Me… well, I'm high strung and close to the situation, but I have a bevy of family to keep me in line and to back me up.
Case will be the first to call me on it if I start taking too many chances, and with Bri and Case in the picture-I have reason to keep my temper in check. It's not me against the world…. It's my world against those who have taken so much from us, and I think Matt knows that's what we're going to need.
I'm almost loath to talk to him about what we've found he seems so frail and that is not how I remember my brother but we have to talk. Wish me luck.
And I thought I had a messiah complex…
Yeah, I talked to Matt, for what it was worth. While Alan wasn't willing to listen because he 'knows better', Matt is so busy wallowing in self recrimination and pity he doesn't hear.
I think if you mixed my brothers in a blender you might get someone who a) functions normally b) I could actually get along with.
I'd hate to think about how they see me.
Do they see the overworked medic who can't focus long enough to boil water or the all but obsessed version of me who is, if anything… too focused?
I'm not even sure which of me I am right now, but I need to get it figured out and soon.
Today, whether Alan liked it or not Nathan proved himself the annoying little brother, to Alan's cantankerous older brother. I knew something was bothering Nathan.
I mean… I knew from the start that Alan and Matt were communicating somehow and I just accepted it. Nathan couldn't let it go. He had to know which method they used.
Yes, which method, not how, but which method. That's the way Nathan works. After the blackout when we'd been pretty much stuck on the island for our own safety, Nathan spent a lot of his time and creative genius in figuring out how to do it.
Being an older sister, I loved every minute of it.
By the time he finally asked Alan I had to laugh. Alan, who's only had my journal to rely on, decided to try and taunt Nathan with it. "You're supposedly smart… you figure it out."
I don't know what he was expecting but I know it wasn't Nathan's shrug and slight confusion. He'd figured out at least a half a dozen ways to do it and was more curious as to which method had been used.
It was like the third method he listed-and judging by Alan's reaction Nathan had come up with a few he hadn't thought of yet.
He grumbled something about "boy genius," as he walked off which just got a "That's our Captain Boxtop" from Tabs.
Oh yeah. Being on the island with them is going to be a laugh riot.
Well, the family is starting to come together. Case tried to cheer me up with the announcement that Matt and Alan were starting to be brotherly towards him and Jonathan and to a lesser extent Nathan.
I made him laugh when I muttered, "yeah, but don't forget that fratricide is a brotherly thing too…"
He pointed out that I'm supposed to be the optimistic one. I am. I'm optimistic that my brothers won't kill Nathan… much.
Another Friday night and I'm not out on the streets. I really hadn't realized how much it was bothering me until Bri asked me about it.
When I asked her why she asked she just looked at me. It was Matt who answered the question. "C'mon Jess, think about it… "
My daughter is a Physical Adept. She is awakened. She knows how people are feeling, she talks to geese.
And I am an emotional wreck worried about protecting everyone. Yeah-I'm a lot of fun to have at parties.
I had an interesting sparing session with Matt today. The problem being that he wanted me to attack him and let's face it, my fighting style is designed to defend, push away and give me an opening to run.
That really doesn't translate well into sparring let alone attacking.
In other news Charlie informed me that the folks at Knight Errant, and to a lesser extent Ares have been petitioning them cut their ties to me. Charlie told me that my leave of absence has provided Citywide with the appearance of compliance.
It would seem that once in a while I can actually uphold the company image-even if it is by not being there.
It's kind of like my attack, if absence can be considered an attack.
Matt told me this wouldn't do and started fussing until Alan just shook his head.
"Just show him your journal Jess… get it over with."
It would seem that perception is everything.
Copyright 2010 M.T. Decker